I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
