The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
