he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
