In the future we'll all be gay
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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