I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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