he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
