Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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