Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
