Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
