Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
