Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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