somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
