i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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