The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
