He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
