no, he came in my armpit
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
