her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
