well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
