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dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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