3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
