He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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