My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
