how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i barfeds in our rink
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
