Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
