he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
