I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
