a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
