Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
