My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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