She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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