no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
