Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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