yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
