No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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