it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
one might say we're banned from that church
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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