Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need water and some morals
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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