This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
