I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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