What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
