I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
