So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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