i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
