I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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