I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
