I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
