You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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