The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
