quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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