I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
