im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Pants are for mortals
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
