She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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